Documented 30 Days of Kneeling
Day 1
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today's blessing was peace - an overwhelming feeling of peace in His presence. God has a way of plucking us out of chaos and putting us into His warm presence, His warm light, His warm peace. And I can't think of anything better to do in the midst of said chaos, then to fall to my knees. A habit that I am set out to gain this month.
Day 2
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today's blessing was determination - if it's God's breath in my lungs I am determined to use His breath for His Kingdom. I want all my words and actions to be a glimpse of Him because He is worthy. Today, I fell to my knees in awe and praised the God from whom all blessings flow.
Day 3
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today when I kneeled, I also took some time to lay down on my stomach in prayer. Just now, as I went to go type this out, I got a snack, an apple. Now, looking back at my need to, not only kneel, but to physically lay down before the Lord, and whilst munching in between clicking keys, I am reminded of the analogy of the apple:
If you lay an apple down on its side and cut it, a hidden star will reveal itself. In the same way, if we will lay down our lives before the Lord, He will make us shine like the stars.
But if you lay down your life and your physical body before the Lord, you will be blessed. And today, God gave me a hunger to seek Him above everything, to lay down all the details of my life. For it is He who has laid the path called 'my life' and He has made it perfect and pleasing to His will. Who am I to take charge and veer through the bushes to only fall into a snare or whatever danger lies behind it?
Who am I to grab the reins and barrel ahead off the course into things that I cannot possibly manufacture? I cannot make my desires come to fruition; I can only cause chaos by doing that; it is God who can make things come to fruition.
Day 4
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, I kneeled yet again and came to a realization; God could have easily turned His back on us when we let sin wreak havoc on this world, and ultimately turned our backs on Him, but He didn't. Instead, He sent His son to die, grafted us to the vine, and now prepares a place for us to be with Him.
He prepares a place for me, my friends, even though sometimes I don't act like it. He prepares a place for me, even though I let the knowledge of that slip away when the rubber hits the road. He prepares a place for me, yet I don't take the 5 minutes to fall to my knees?!
He could have chosen chains and bars for my punishment for sin, but He chose forgiveness and freedom. He did not only forgive me, but He adopted me. He adopted me even though I run for the hills at the first glimpse of fear, but who am I to fear if He does prepare a place for me?
He prepares a place for me and will come back to retrieve me. Until then, I don't know about you, but I want to take the 5 minutes to fall to my knees.
Day 5
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, it was the Lord who invited me to my knees. I didn't plan a specific time to do it, it just happened.
I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a headache, so I stayed home from church, as to not get anyone else sick. I watched the service online, and afterward, I had silently planned to drop to my knees later in the day, after resting up a bit, but God had other plans.
It started with Him asking me to pray for someone who did me very wrong a long time ago. Someone who I could never imagine praying for, but you see, God had let me know, just yesterday, just how forgiven I am, and He wanted me to do the same.
It was like a flash in my mind. I saw this person's face who shall not be named. Then, I heard God asking me to pray and forgive. I asked God that this person, if they are even still living, that they are not burdened by what they did. I asked that God pull them close to Him. I prayed for salvation for this person who hurt me.
It may seem strange to do this, but forgiveness is a two-way key. Not only does it unlock the cage and set free the person who did wrong, but it also sets me free. I can now drop this circumstance at Christ's feet and not be burdened by it any longer. After all, have I not done wrong in the past? Won't I in the future?
This freedom that arose from the kneel challenge has truly been a blessing.
Day 6
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, when I kneeled, God reminded me that I don't have to fight my battles with gnashing of teeth, with drawing of sword, or with springing into danger. No, I fight my battles by lifting my hands, by dropping to my knees, and seeking God.
I don't have to fight my battles alone, but I have the one who has already won the war by my side. With Him who could I possibly fear?
I don't need a heavy coat of arms when I have the Spirit of heaviness and the armor of God. With garments such as these, I am ready for anything this world can throw at me.
Day 7
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, I was moved to joyful tears...
As I kneeled, God reminded me that He had chosen me. He was the one who sought me, not the other way around.
Ever since I was little, God has spoken to me in pictures, you could call them daydreams or imaginational movies that play in my head. At the time, I had no clue that these were from God.
The first one I remember was a daydream I had while playing outside as a kid. I imagined a giant hand coming from the sky and touching my head. I never told anyone of these, not until after I had married and told my husband.
It was God who sought me. He gave me that daydream before I had even become a Christian. You don't have to know God for Him to talk to you in His unique way and you don't have to have all the knowledge of the Bible to seek Him, because it will be Him who seeks you first.
Although, I was born without the privileges of some, I was already blessed beyond compare. I just didn't know it! But, His blessings are always flowing, you just have to stick out your hands, or fall to your knees, to catch them or, rather, to realize that they are even there at all.
Day 8
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, the Lord sent me to 2 Timothy on my time on the ground. As I read chapters 1 and 2, this phrase jumped out and practically bit me in the nose:
Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm.
2 Timothy 2:9
This, my friends, though a simple phrase, is my rebuttal, my assurance, and the source of my peace. This phrase came up many times in my praise.
Whether I find myself in darkness, famine, turmoil, or suffering, I can say this: "Nevertheless, NEVERTHELESS, God's solid foundation stands firm." This outweighs all the desires of my heart a million to one. May I never forget just how blessed I am.
Day 9
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, it started in the laundry room. I was transferring clothes when I had this revelation:
If He created me and gave me the ability to do works, then all the glory must go to Him. If I hold on to even a little glory for myself, I am committing copyright infringement. As it says in the song 'Worthy of it All': 'From Him are all things and to Him are all things, He deserves the glory.'
Immediately, I am inspired to drop to my knees when I get another revelation:
If it's His breath in my lungs, the worst thing that I can do with it is not praise the one who gave it to me. The worst thing I can do is not praise.
As I kneeled, I opened 2 Timothy again, chapter 2, this time another thing, something I had missed yesterday, jumped out at me.
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of truth.
2 Timothy 2:25
Is that why I go through dry spells? Spells where I feel like I am not gaining any more knowledge? Is it because I didn't repent? And isn't repenting a way of praising the Lord, who is so forgiving? I'm reminded of the handling of wet garments just a few moments before:
The worst thing I can do is not praise...
The worst thing I can do is to not drop to my knees and praise the one who has overcome the world, for me.
I shouted it today. "He has overcome the world." Over and over again, I shouted it. Full up to the brim of Holy Ghost fire. Full of praise.
If the worst thing that I can do with my breath is not praise, then the best thing I can do, must be to drop to my knees and praise.
Day 10
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
This morning I had a awesome spiritual chat with a friend where we prayed, worshiped, and cried tears of joy. How could I not fall to my knees after such a talk when the Spirit of heaviness was already so present?
Though I did have breakfast first, because it was nearly lunchtime and I, as my friend with the beautiful face in the fuzzy pixels of my phone said, "have had spiritual nourishment this morning, but not physical nourishment."
As I ate, I felt overwhelmed by Him as He spoke softly to my spirit. I look out the window and see what a beautiful place He has put me in, but my eyes do not stay on it long because I was too focused on something even more beautiful - God.
"Why then, do I seek the world?" I asked myself, "Why, when God's beauty far outweighs any beauty, the world offers?"
A song played in my head at that moment:
'I searched the world, but it couldn't fill me. Man's empty praise and treasures that fade are never enough. Then you came along and put me back together and every desire is now satisfied here in your love.'
I stop the song there and think, "Is every desire really satisfied?" "What about my worldly desires?" Then it hit me. My worldly desires will NEVER be satisfied. If He grants me one desire, another will come forth before I even give thanks for the last. So, of course my worldly desires aren't satisfied.
On the contrary, my spiritual desires.... They are, indeed, satisfied.
I drop to my knees and thank God for that. Then, I listen to that song that played in my head just moments before - 'Graves into Gardens' by Elevation Worship.
I begin to jump up and down until I tire; then, lay on the floor, using the opened pages of my Bible as a pillow for my head. I hear it...
Every desire is now satisfied.... EVERY.
I return to my knees once more, my spirit at ease, at rest. All I could ever want, all I could ever need, is here in His presence.
Day 11
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
It's Saturday, the day of the church picnic on the beach. My loving husband offers to help set up, knowing well that his wife would jump at any reason to sit on the sand and just be.
So there I am, sitting on my towel and planning when to have my time on the ground, when I realize, that I am on the ground. I look around to see if anyone is looking. Will I ever learn? When will it stick that it's only His opinion of me that matters?
I kneel on my towel and pray for a bit before rising. I walk to the water’s edge and down the shore, my feet kicking the lapping water as I go. I hop up on a long man-made concrete block, once used in the war to send ships out, so I've been told. Sitting here, I can't quite touch the ground and my legs bounce, like a toddler. I smile.
I look down at my feet, the tips of my toes point and glide through the wet sand, messing up the tide-smoothed surface. I scribble with reckless abandon until the water comes back in and smoothes it out once more.
Is this an image of our sin? Does our sin dig deep into our soul and make a mess of things until we repent, causing the crimson wave to come and smooth it out again?
Sitting there, I'm reminded of the blog that was written on this beach. What was it I said about the ocean in that one? Oh yeah, how the ocean was described to me before my first trip to its edge:
I was told about the blue water and how it was so vast that it met the sky. Back then, I couldn't fathom it, not until my own eyes saw it. In that blog, I wondered if God is this way, what if we could never fathom His greatness, His strength, His ability?
And the crimson wave that smooths out all the unevenness our sin causes... isn't it also vast?
I got up and continued walking, talking to the Lord, when I stumbled across a beautiful shell. I pick it up and turn it over to see a tiny claw poking out of the mouth of the shell. I place it back down on the sand and watch the hermit crab scurry away.
I wonder in that moment why the enemy is so homed in on us believers. Is it because He sees the shiny, wonderful armor of God, just as I saw that shell? Maybe he sees it, and because he can't have it, he knocks us off course and tries to instill fear, just like how that little crab had probably feared me. Watching the little hermit in my mind, I ask myself, does the enemy try to strip us of that armor so he can get to what's beneath it - the soul?
I look out at the water, think again of that vast crimson flow, and whisper a thanks to Jesus.
Day 12
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
My eyes shoot open, and I'm annoyed at the sound coming from my phone. I turn and my half-closed eyes peer at the bright phone screen: 6:30 Church alarm one. I silence it. "I will still have an hour to get ready if I sleep past this alarm," I think to myself.
My phone goes off again, seemingly a minute later. There must be some mistake. I look at my phone again: 7:00 Church alarm two. I moan and lay for a moment, my eyes closed.
I haven't been sleeping well. The enemy, he doesn't like this kneel challenge; he doesn't like that my faith has been skyrocketing. I force myself up and start getting ready.
After I had hit my elbow for the third time in the process, I groaned in annoyed anger. This... this is all it takes for me to become angry?! A little inconvenient pain that will go away in two seconds flat?
Where's the joy, the anticipation to go into the house of the Lord?! Wasn't I just drenched in Holy Spirit fire yesterday?
I stop in my tracks - Last night when I had laid awake praying for sleep, did I not also pray that the Lord would prune my actions, attitude, and words? Yet, there I was, annoyed expression where the joyful one had been.
I grab my makeup bag, and while looking in the mirror, I take off my glasses. I instantly think of something that happened when I was in school.
{Before I get into this story, you must know, that I am blind in my right eye and have been since birth.}
When I was young, I lost the right lens to my glasses. I don't know when or where, or even how long it was missing, but I had no idea it was gone at all until I got home. If you passed me in the hall that day, it would have been very obvious, but I was completely blind to it.
I look in the mirror and think, what else am I blind to? What obvious things do I wear on my face, in my expression, am I blind to? How often do I resort to that annoyed expression instead of sheer joy?
I go to church and, as we start worshiping, that Holy Ghost fire vibrates within me, like an engine of a car, it vibrates.
And what happens to a car when you don't use the engine in a week? It turns over a few times or doesn't start at all. And, because of this challenge, I've been starting my praise engine every day. Is that why I feel my very soul quaking? Why my eyes are suddenly so full of tears as we sing of my Savior?
It's been a long while since I've experienced worship like this. Could it be, that my engine was slowed because I wasn't powering it up every day?
I found myself on my knees. I was kneeling! Kneeling out of seer habit.
Day 13
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
I am in the kitchen making my morning coffee when I hear it:
Good things come to those who wait.
If this is true, and I know it to be, why do I roll my eyes when I hand God a desire of my heart and He stamps it with big, bold letters W A I T.
And why do I count the amount of time that passes, waiting for that one desire to come to fruition, instead of the goodness He gives me in the waiting?
When I was newly married, after two years of pills, I threw them away, ready to be blessed with a child. After all, that's how it happens, right?
We sing of it as kids, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage."
Well, the third did not come for me. After two years of being off a set of pills, I get a new set - Clomid. This miracle drug will fix everything, right?
So, every so often I see the doctor and tell them the same thing - "no results" and they increase the dose. It's increased until I'm on so much of it that I am an emotional wreck.
Then, one day, they say, "We can't up the dosage anymore. There's nothing more we can do." My miracle drug did absolutely nothing but wreak havoc for 3 years.
Well, it's time to see a specialist. They will help me, right? We drive the 45 minutes every week for a month, where I am poked, prodded, and I leave discouraged.
I cry the 45 minutes home because I am still having to wait for what I was supposed to just be given. It was supposed to just happen, right?
I go back the final time, anxious for the results and they tell me that they cannot do anything for me. If the eggs don't mature, they cannot give life. There must be some mistake. The doctors must not understand that this is supposed to just happen.
And so I'm left in the quiet waiting, refusing to find any joy in it. The evidence of my pain is everywhere. The crying of babes and pregnant women pushing grocery carts in the store. The baby aisles I try to avoid. Advertisements on television. Celebrations of births and positive tests on social media. Family members expectant and excited, as they should be.
I find my pain in other places too. On the news in the form of child abuse. Why did God allow these women who abuse their children to get pregnant, and not me? I became angry. There were no good things in my waiting.
And the enemy slithered at me. "You know, they say it's normal to be barren when you’re not of good stalk." "Can you even call yourself a woman?" "When are you going to give up?" "Why should you be happy for them, when they could gain the one thing you desire so easily?" "You wouldn't even be a good mom because look at who your own mother was." "Your husband would have been better off with someone who could have provided this for him."
The attack never ceased because I thought he was right. This only made my already thin confidence get thinner and thinner until I didn't even want to speak or voice my opinions. You see, the enemy knew my gift before I did and wanted to use anything he could to stop it. My gift is writing, something I've done well since I could hold a pencil. I would write poems and stories in my youth, but no, not in the waiting. The thought never even crossed my mind, not until I waved that white flag of surrender.
And now, I am writing and using that gift to share what God tells me. My confidence is climbing on the daily and, even though you could say I'm still in the waiting, I'm finding all the good in that waiting.
I now realize that all I could ever need is in Christ and that my worth comes from my identity in Him. I own the cattle on a thousand hills. I know another thing now, God does NOT owe me anything, in fact, He already gave me more than I deserve when He died for me.
He has laid the path of my life and has made it good and pleasing to His will. And, if His will is perfect, and I know it to be, then if a child isn't in that will, I don't want a child. It's so weird to write that when I was fixated on that for so long.
Why did I make myself so miserable? Why did I refuse to find the good? And now, the habit is set. I seek good and my eyes are always searching for good in every moment. And because I'm searching for good, I see that everything that He hands me is good, even the big, bold letters W A I T.
Should I not take those letters from His hands because my eyes don't see them as good, when my perception of good is twisted because of my flesh? And, before, my eyes were pressed tightly against the good, as if I didn't want to see it.
No, this life is far too short for that. I want to see the good and I thank God that good things do come to those who wait.
I kneel later in the day, and hear proverbs chapter 19, I read. This isn't the first time this sentence has made me do a double take and it won't be the last:
Desire without knowledge is not good - how much more will hasty feet miss the way!
Proverbs 19:2
Desire without knowledge is not good. Is that why I couldn't see the good? Because I had this desire and I wasn't seeking His knowledge? Why did I feel like it was a rush for this desire to come to fruition? Did I have hasty feet?
The walk with Christ is a narrow one and our feet are clumsy. We fall often from the weight of our sin. When we add haste to the mix, well, it's not a good combination. The only way to walk a narrow beam is slow, with patience. With the dropping to our knees in surrender...
Day 14
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
This morning I felt God drawing me to my knees. I kneel in complete surrender and hear it - Psalm 23:4-5, my child.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.
What was it that Jesus said to Peter in the garden on the night of His arrest?
"Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"
John 18:11
And my cup, the one He overflows past the brim, shall I not drink of it, even when the contents don't look desirable? After all, look what was in Jesus'! Torture and death were in His cup, the worst contents imaginable. And what if He didn't drink from the cup? Humanity would have been condemned.
So, could it be that the things in my cup contain the very ingredients of His will? After all, hasn't He called me forth so that I may perform out the things of His will? And yet, sometimes... sometimes I look at this cup, knowing that He has blessed me more than this receptacle can hold, and I scoff or shake my head at it. If Jesus' cup can hold things that are for the betterment of others. Doesn't mine?
I read on:
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
[Verse 6]
There it is. My assurance that, whatever my cup holds, goodness and love will follow me and I will dwell in the house of the Lord.
The next chapter begs this question, a verse I know by heart, but in KJV:
Who shall come into the hill of the Lord and who shall dwell in His holy place?
Psalm 24:3
On my knees I give thanks because that someone... is me.
Day 15
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
It's time to bring it to the Lord. The bed is rumpled sheets, but it can wait. The soldier's uniform is on the laundry room floor, but it can wait. The daily list of 'to do's' can wait.
I kneel and thank God for the rumpled sheets, a sign of a good night's rest; I thank Him for the soldier's clothes on the floor, a sign of a good career.
It's time to bring it to God... my fear of the unknown.
"Can't I do everything for the Lord in my comfort zone," I ask, but I know the answer - no. To gain the knowledge, I have to step out of the comfort zone and into the unknown to find the things that are unknown to me. And the Lord, His rod and His staff will be there...
He leads me to that verse again this morning:
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4
That staff is the same shepherd's staff that He has in hand when He makes me lie down in green pastures (verse 2) and when He leads me beside quiet waters (verse 3). That same staff that He holds in the gleaming meadow light, is present in the dark valleys.
He leads me to Job 29:2-3:
"How I long for the months gone by, for the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone on my head and by his light I walked through darkness."
This was Job's cry after everything he had held close was stripped away from Him. But this, he didn't grasp: God was still with him! His staff was still in the darkness of pain, but Job couldn't see it.
How many times have I missed it too? How many times have I beheld that staff in the light, but forgot about it in the darkness? Just because I couldn't see it, doesn't mean it wasn't there.
The unknown isn't visible to me either, but it's visible to God. And, even if darkness lurks in the unknown, I know I have nothing to fear, for the Lord will be there with His shepherd’s staff. And He will lead me in the unknown, just as a shepherd leads his sheep.
I sigh a breath of relief. I have nothing to fear.
Day 16
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
With coffee in hand, I look at the calendar on the wall of my kitchen. Under today's date is scrawled 'blog-iversary'. Two years of blogging; two years of writing down the things that God calls to my attention. Who knew that doing this simple task would grow my faith?
And I've found another seemingly simple task that does the same - kneeling. Does doing something for God, no matter how small or simple it seems, does it help us focus our eyes on Him? And does doing nothing produce 'out of sight out of mind' results?
So, I do that seemingly simple task, I kneel, and God leads me straight to His word.
You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hid. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:14-16
I hear God say, "You are the light of the world. Well done." I tremble. Is He... referring to my writing? Is that how I let my light shine before others? It seems like the least I can do, a lot less than what others are doing. But no, I can't compare myself to others. We are all in different seasons and my season is using this gift He has given me as my way of letting my light shine.
There are other ways that I can let my light shine too, by reflecting Christ with my actions, my words, and my attitude.
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
John 15:1-2
I've been praying that God will prune me right down to the way I carry myself. Prune me to be fruitful and, in the midst of producing fruit, my light will surely shine.
We are the branches. Another word for branches are boughs, pronounced 'bows'. And the boughs are meant to kneel and bow to the one who has grafted them. The boughs are meant to reflect the vine. The boughs are meant to shine.
Day 17
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today was a very crucial appointment for me - an MRI. They took pictures of a gland in my brain to look at a rise of a specific hormone. They think this hormone elevation could be the cause of my infertility.
I felt nothing but peace in the machine and God gave me a visual of Him holding my hand. For the whole 25 minutes of having to lay still, I felt His presence and worship songs played in my head. I didn't panic, I didn't feel claustrophobic, I felt only peace.
I come home and kneel before Him, thanking Him for His peace. "Why do I have to go through all of this," I've often thought in the past, "Why all the tests for me when others are able to have children easily?"
I remember something, in the machine, He told me, "Your flesh is a blessing." Huh?! Wait, isn't the flesh a curse?! After coming home, kneeling, and going on a walk, I finally figured out what He meant:
Although this flesh's mindset is wicked, the flesh itself is a blessing. When God made the first man, He declared it good, all of it, the spirit and the casing - the flesh. My casing is a blessing, even though sometimes it is broken, after all how could I know He has made me whole if I didn't start off broken? My casing is a blessing, even though I have pain, after all how could I know that something is wrong without pain? Wouldn't I rest my palm on the hot stove without knowing how harmful it is?
Through my pain, He gives me the knowledge of the harmful. How could I know otherwise? Sometimes the pain is what we need in order to fix the broken parts, because without it, it would heal wrong or not at all. Everything He gives me is a blessing, if that is true, isn't pain?
"Why would God create a world with pain?" some have asked. Well, because without it we wouldn't know didditly squat! Would we have advanced in medical technology at all? People would die and we would have no idea why. You would go to the doctor and yet, you wouldn't be able to tell them what was wrong. People would have broken bones and not know it.
Isn't my flesh a blessing? Wasn't He the one who molded it and declared it perfect for me? Yet I look at the flaws and I nick-pick. Shouldn't God have given a beautiful body? But it is beautiful, it's beautiful to Him.
Have I had the wrong mindset of my flesh? Have I thought of it as a burden, a heaviness I need to carry, when God has designed it for me specifically to wear for my time I have on this earth? He designed this skin to protect me from the elements, to sweat in the heat, to form goosebumps in the cold. He designed this skin, this protective layer, to walk through the grime and darkness of this world.
The ways of the flesh are bad, but the actual flesh He has given me, is not. This pain I go through, I know is not all for nothing. He is teaching through it. He is turning what I once thought was bad, into something good.
Day 18
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, while rearranging furniture in my office and in the midst of a mess from the process, I felt God drawing me to my knees. I look around and sigh. "What an inconvenient time," I think to myself. After the thought processed in my mind, I wanted to slap my forehead in disbelief at my own thoughtlessness.
Inconvenient?! Wasn't Jesus leaving His throne and coming down into this dreary world more inconvenient? He came down knowing in 33 years He would be tortured a put to death to save a multitude, including me. So, how could I think that dropping to my knees for a measly 10 minutes, at any given time, is inconvenient?!
So, to my knees I drop and think how God gave me these two knees and how He gave me two hands. "One to give with and one to receive with," I've been told. How can I receive His mercy and grace, without giving a little bit of my time in return? How could I refuse to drop to my knees when my Savior has done so much to secure me?
How could I think of it as inconvenient, instead of sheer joy? I think again, 'How could I refuse to drop to my knees at any given time?' Given... All of my time is a gift from Him, how could I not use some of it to praise Him?
Day 19
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Another Sunday morning. I woke up with a lightness in my spirit. It's the kneeling, I'm convinced of it. Even though the enemy is still attacking, God has been overpowering that. I hope the enemy realizes now that I will not stop doing this simple task of kneeling.
I get up early and feel the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart to kneel. So, I do. The house is quiet, hubby is still sleeping, and I turn the thin, yet compact, pages of my Bible to John.
Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace that was already given.
John 1:16
Before the word became flesh and Jesus stepped down, there was already grace. Grace exists in the Old Testament. There is evidence of this, the parting of the Red Sea, the water gushing from the rock, and the Moabite woman who believed.
But when Jesus came there was even more grace. A gracious God wanted to give anyone who asked a free ticket to Heaven. Grace in place of more grace; if that is not the very essence of how my God operates!
In the quiet, I feel the grace. He has saved me by that grace and has called me by that grace. Called me to use the gifts He has given me to spread that grace.
On this earth, it's easy to focus on the hard, the dark, and the pain; it easy to miss the grace. It's easy to look at the Old Testament and focus on the 'not so great' things recorded in it, but there was grace and there is grace and there will be grace forever. He has been good since the garden and will be good until the destruction of the earth.
He is so good, in fact, that when He replaces something in our lives, He gives us something better. Just like how He gave us more grace in place of grace. I breathe in and I believe it. I will walk in that knowledge and the freedom it gives.
Day 20
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
It's Monday, the day I dedicate to cleaning my home. I light a candle in the kitchen and bustle around wiping, sweeping, and moping. Hours pass before I go back to the kitchen for lunch. I see the lit candle and blow it out. As I watch the smoke rise, I think, "That's me. I'm only a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow."
Later, as I kneel, I think of the candle smoke - an illustration of my life. God leads me again to John. He's been leading me here a lot, the time just before Jesus was arrested.
"I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and now they have obeyed your word."
John 17:6
Jesus was referring to His disciples, but as I read, I felt as though He was talking about me. Then, I hear it...
"I have loved you with an everlasting love."
I freeze, listening intently. God had said the same thing to Israel in Jeremiah chapter 31. He repeated it to me, and I soak it in, trembling in awe. A few moments later, He repeated it a third time and broke it down.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love. I say 'loved' because I have loved you since before your birth and I say 'everlasting' because I will love you forever."
"Forever..." my lips mutter. I look back at my opened Bible and catch these red words at the bottom of the page:
"I have not lost those you gave me."
John 18:9
I am His. I am no longer a fleeting vapor, but I am eternally loved by God. He has not lost me and will never lose me. I jump up and down and shout it with arms wide, "I am yours!"
I kneel with tears streaming and say it again: "I am yours. I am yours alone."
Day 21
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
In my time on the ground today, God lead me, in His word, to the parting of the Jordan. This boundary of rapids, this seemingly uncrossable body of water, was parted before the Israelites so they could come into the promise land. It was the same river that Jesus was baptized in and is a symbol of rebirth today. Rebirth... That's my word for this year that God gave me.
Rebirth: a period of new life, growth, or activity; a revival.
A period of new growth... Is that not what has been happening through this kneel challenge? And hadn't I said this verbatim in the blog about my new word:
"This is no small word, my friends. This year is going to be about growth, revival, maturing, rebirth... I'm going to break some spiritual glass ceilings."
I am ashamed to say that before this challenge, there was little to no growth happening, not the kind of glass shattering faith I had thought. In fact, I had pretty much forgotten my word for this year. But this kneeling on the daily, these revelations He gives me, they have shattered a few glass concepts in my mind and God has replaced them with truth.
And what about the Jordan, this image of rebirth? Joshua and the Israelites crossed it into something God had promised them. Is that what I've been doing? By giving me this powerful word, rebirth, He had promised me a huge spiritual growth this year and He has given it to me.
This glass ceiling that used to be my level of faith, this boundary I had manufactured in my mind to keep me in my comfort zone, it was shattered so that I could mature. In a metaphorical sense I had crossed through it. Was it my Jordan?
My friends, I invite you to kneel today. It's amazing the things that happen when you just take a little extra time for Him. I am so glad I took the plunge and I am so glad that God has inspired me to document this flowing of blessings.
Day 22
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
I kneel and He leads me to His word again:
"But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give will become in them a spring of waters welling up to eternal life."
John 4:14
I read, and then, I hear this: "facet." What does He mean by that? I look up this word on Google:
Facet (noun): one side of something many-sided, especially of a cut gem.
What does He mean by this? I pray and wait, listening intently, but nothing. I lay down flat, my knees tired of bearing my weight, and my face presses into the pages of my Bible. I open my eyes here. These words are a blur because I am too close to read them. Maybe I'm looking at what I'm trying to understand too closely as well.
I put on my shoes and take a walk. In the warm breeze, I think on it some more. What did He mean about the living water and the word facet? Maybe He meant faucet? No, He definitely said facet.
As I continue walking, I get another one of those visuals He gives me:
I'm sitting in a dark room holding a large gem. I see a light coming down from a small window that is close to the high ceiling. In this light, the gem is sparkling brightly. "Something with facets," I think to myself.
In the glittering light of the gem, I can't quite make out its color. A dark amber perhaps? God gives me another word, "rubet." Now I'm really confused!
In the vision I am turning this gem around and around in my hand, looking at its many glimmering sides and how each one reflects a different shade of this dark amber-ish color.
I look at the wall of this dark room and see the light from the gem reflecting there. In this light I can see that the wall has words written on it, words like peace, hope, love, prosperity, and purpose. I think I know now what He meant. This knowledge of the living water is a gem, a treasure, and on it's many sides are hope, love, peace, and many other good things; facets that come from this treasure of knowledge.
When I get home, I grab my phone and put the word 'rubet' into my google translator on the 'detect language' option. Turns out, the Latin word 'rubet' means 'red'. I also look up what dark amber looks like and gasp. It looks almost like blood! I see the image of the gem in my mind. It was red, precisely the color of blood.
This living water that He gives so freely, wasn't it purchased with His blood? I hear the song lyrics in my mind, 'Do you thirst for a drink from the well? Jesus is calling.'
I kneel again and praise Him for this living water and all the goodness that comes from it.
Day 23
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
My fingers rest on the keys, but I have no idea how to put my feelings into words.
Let's start with the obvious, I kneeled again, for the 23rd day in a row. I kneeled and said, "Here I am God." I felt Him say, "And I am here, I am always here. I am beside you, in front of you, and behind you. I am above you keeping watch and below you giving you strength."
He is here...
You see, my love for Christ has been magnifying this week, really throughout this whole kneeling journey, and I can't explain the amount of love I felt when He told me that He is, indeed, here.
I wanted to give up on this kneeling challenge. I wanted to, but I can't.
The enemy attacks have left me waking up often in the night, thinking of everything I have written and questioning it's doctrine. What if I got something wrong? Should I even be sharing this if I'm being misleading? But no, everything I have written has been from God and He has clarified it in my spirit, but my social anxiety is coming out and I ponder what others think of the things I've written.
I could make a million excuses to stop documenting this kneeling challenge, but isn't that what the enemy wants? Isn't that why he makes me jut upright in a cold sweat in the night? I can't stop. I can't stop, even when this challenge is done, I want to keep kneeling.
After this journey, I want to start a kneeling diary and write down everything He brings to mind in my time on the ground. And I want to share them from time to time too.
And the lack of sleep is worth the growing. You might even call it a growing pain. The spikes in anxiety is worth the growing, because when I kneel and give it to Him, it melts away. Growing is worth the growing pains.
Why do I feel the need to tell you guys all of this? Well, I wasn't going to, but how can I document the great things of growing and not the hard things?
As I kneeled, and gave it all to the Lord, I felt as though He were holding my hand. I could just see it, the nail scar, and He said, "I am here."
Day 24
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
On my walk today, God reminds me of how great His love is for me by bringing this verse to mind:
Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.
Isaiah 43:4
I soak that in and, as I round a corner, I hear this: "I have made you righteous, therefore I have made you right and good." {I want to clarify this here, when He says that He has made me right, He means that He has set me right, not made me right in the sense of always being right in opinion, because I am still a sinner and am often wrong.}
I go home, kneel, and think of how righteousness is accredited, through faith in Jesus, it says in the book of Romans. And hasn't my faith been growing lately?
On my knees, I can't help but think: When the Father prunes the branches, isn't He setting them right and making them good and pleasing to His eye? I hear it again, "I have made you right and good." And, also, it is only because of the vine that we are grafted and then pruned. The vine is Jesus. It is only through Jesus that we are accredited righteousness in the first place!
On the ground, I have tears in my eyes as I realize, Jesus is the true blessing. It is because of Him that my faith is growing and it is because of Him that I am kneeling and praising with arms raised and voice loud. He is the biggest blessing of all!
I go to type out day 24, when I realize that my laptop died, so I turn it back on, and while waiting for it to boot back up, I go into the laundry to transfer loads. God popped another part of His word in my head. Psalm chapter 24, I say it out loud by heart.
"The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, the world and they that dwell therein. For He hath founded it upon the seas and established it upon the floods. Who shall come into the hill of the Lord or who shall dwell in His holy place? He that hath clean hands and a pure heart, who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of His salvation..."
I stop there and say the last part again. "He shall receive the blessing from the Lord and the righteousness from the God of His salvation..." He has made me right, which means He has purified me and therefore, I receive blessings and righteousness...
It is because I've been repenting on the daily!!! What a HUGE revelation this is to me, and I say the whole chapter to myself with an excitement I haven't felt in a while.
As I type this out, I'm reminded of what He told me that inspired this whole challenge:
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Day 25
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
When I kneel, He gives me all the pieces of the puzzle, a picture of what it is He wants me to grasp. Some days the pieces just fall into place but, other days, I mull over this puzzle. Today was one of those days. I mull over it and pray, I mull over it and proclaim His name, I mull over it, I do, but it’s not coming together. I sit at this keyboard with hands on keys, and I mull. I need to take a prayer walk.
I walk in the warm breeze of the evening and see the clouds outlined with light. And God, He is whispering constantly as I walk. He whispers the pieces of the puzzle. “I am the vine and you are the branches remain in me as I remain in you.” (From John 15:5) “Blessed is the one who delights in the law of the Lord and who meditates in his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by the streams of water that yields its fruit in its season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers.” (From Psalm 1:1-3)
These are verses that He has been continually leading me to. He has also been leading me to just before Christ was arrested. I stop at the top of a hill and look out at the sky. I think to myself, “Jesus, He will be coming back soon, probably in my lifetime.” I hear song lyrics whispered in my heart, “Are you ready for the Harvest?” I pray and walk and hear the verses, and that particular song lyric, on repeat in my mind.
I walk and think, “When Jesus comes, the fruit bearers, we will be ripe and ready for the picking. We’ll be ready for Him to pluck us from this earth’s soil.” Whispers come again, an overwhelming amount, “Are you ready for the harvest?” “Remain in me as I remain in you.” My steps get faster…
Jesus is coming! “Are you ready for the harvest?” I start running with excitement. Everything that He has been telling me in this kneel challenge has been adding up to this. Jesus is coming and I am grafted! I knew this all before, but the knowledge of that it’s… it’s different now.
I run up the hill, but I do not tire. I don’t care that I just showered, and I don’t care what others think. Jesus is coming! It’s all too much to take in. The world around me is quiet, but in my mind is whispers and shouts of “hallelujah!” More song lyrics, “I know I will never be alone.”
The harvest is coming. I need to make sure I am pruned EVERY SINGLE DAY so that I will become more fruitful. I need to repent every day so that He can set me right every day. “Are you ready?” He asks and I don’t know how to answer, but I know that, when the time comes, I will be ready. But for now, in the waiting, I know this that He tells me, “You will never be alone.”
Day 26
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for the rest of this month, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, I kneel, and He leads me in His word, this time to Jeremiah chapter 42. The army officers approached Jeremiah and asked him to pray for them and to ask God where they should go and what they should do. He agreed and they said this to him:
"Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the Lord our God, to whom we are sending you, so that it will go well with us, for we will obey the Lord our God."
Jeremiah 42:6
Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey....
I go to grab my shoes for my prayer walk when I see that it is drizzling outside. I decide to go anyway because I have been learning so much on these walks. I walk, gazing at the blue skies and white clouds ahead of me, but behind me is a large grey cloud that seems to be following me.
Isn't that so true of the world? Grey clouds of depression are scattered all over. They follow us, promising to soak us in their sadness. I think of my Bible passage and how the army officials were so set on doing what God was telling them to do. This is a hard thing to accomplish with one of these metaphorical grey clouds roaming over you.
I walk and the rain gets faster. I look around me and listen to its pitter patter. Walking in the rain isn't something I ever do, but the peace of it was overwhelming. To walk in the rain and not fear of getting wet, it's freeing. Isn't that the way us believers are supposed to live? Aren't we supposed to walk through the depression of this world and not fear about it soaking us to the bone?
The rain turns into a major downpour, but I can still see the blue skies ahead. That's the key right there. We have to look at the positive things, the blue skies ahead. We have to focus on the promises He has given us so that when hardships come and pelt us, we can still see the blue skies. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes have to walk in the unfavorable conditions to truly appreciate those blue skies.
We have to learn out to obey, even in unfavorable circumstances. We have to grasp joy, even if the grey clouds of sadness threaten. We have to trust, even though we don't understand the why.
We have to fall to our knees and say, "It's up to you God and I will obey no. matter. what."
Day 27 "He who kneels before the Lord is blessed." Every day for 30 days, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth. "This is what the Lord says, He who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it - the Lord is his name: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:2-3 {This, my friends, is what has made this kneel challenge so impactful. He has told me many things that I did not know and has showed me so much, all because I took the time to kneel...} Today, on my prayer walk, in the precious moments that I am supposed to be praying, I was thinking of everything on my to do list. I stop myself, realizing that I should be using this prayer walk for its intended purpose. As I strolled along, I was praying and thinking about how the Prince of peace is coming to retrieve us, how He will bring us to the most peaceful place of all, and how I can claim that peace right now, in the waiting for His return. But how do I claim that peace in a world full of chaos? It's quite simple actually - I can just ask Him for it. Sometimes though, I have to meet Him halfway. In this challenge, I've realized that sometimes you have to put everything else on the backburner to be able to hear Him and claim His peace in the moment. And this challenge is essentially that, me putting the pot of 'to dos' on the back burner, even if it is boiling over. It's so easy to make excuses to do otherwise. I could say, "I just don't have time to kneel today." I just don't have time.... While walking, I think to myself: It was God who created the earth and it was God who created time. I don't know why He put 24 hours in a day, but He did, and I'm sure there were good reasons for it. I often find myself saying, "There's just not enough time in a day," but that's not true! He knew what He was doing when He made time and He made just enough for us to do what we need to do. He made time, so I need to make THE time to spend with Him. I need to put the list away because He gave me just the right amount of time every day and I want make time in those 24 hours to do the most important thing of all - spend time with the Creator. I go home, kneel, and praise Him. I put away the haste to get things done and receive the calm, unrushed peace. And I know this, I know that I have just enough time. #kneel
Day 28 {3 days left!}
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for 30 days, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, while kneeling, I realize something - I don't even recognize my life! I am living in a foreign country, I'm growing closer to God every day, I've been married 8 years, and I am happier than I've ever been in my life. If you would have told me all of these things 5 years ago, I would have told you, "There's no way that could be true."
"You have not even seen the goodness I have in store for you yet." He says, and all I could say in return is... "Wow!" I thought I had reached the peak of goodness, but my life, this story of mine, is not even close to being finished and He is still working for my good.
I cannot fathom this. How good of a God He is, to not only save me and free me from my chains, but to work for my good into the bargain? I am only a sinner and not even worthy of the saving, but He gives me much much more! How can I take in such goodness?
All the things that have happened in my life have been a page in this story of mine, the good and the bad. I could desire to rip out all the bad things, but how could I then appreciate the good things?
Sometimes I have to go through these hard paths of life to make my way onto the good ones.
I have to trust that these hard pages will make the good ones even better. I just have to trust Him, even if I don't understand, because I cannot possibly understand. He does though.
He knows exactly what He is doing, and I am thankful for that. If I did have the reigns on my life, I would surely lead myself into destruction. No, I would much rather He take the reins, because I know where He leads me. He leads me into goodness.
Day 29
"He who kneels before the Lord is blessed."
Every day for 30 days, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth.
Today, I dropped to my knees, knowing this will be the last thing I do before bed. That's, in fact, what happened that one night, the one that made a domino effect into this kneel challenge. A domino effect... hasn't that been my life?
"Every single step of my life has led me to this moment," I think to myself as I worship. Through the good and the bad things, He has lead me right here, right now, on my knees.
Something powerful happens, my skin prickles, not from cold, but from a rush of awe and the Holy Spirit fire that flows through my entire body.
Lately, when I worship, I imagine that He is standing right in front of me. After all, He is with me when I kneel. He is with me all the time. I feel His presence so strongly and this rush overtakes me. I lift my Bible up from the ground and into an embrace. This book, these wonderful words of God that I am not even worthy to hold, it catches my tears.
With every step on this path called my life, with every step, He is leading me home. I see it. My life sped up on a reel, like a merry-go-round, and it's all blur. All of it has led me right here, right in this sensation of complete awe of my God. He knew all of it before it would happen. He knew of this moment. And yet... sometimes I don't trust Him.
This kneeling... it's made me see. He's leading me home. The repenting, the pouring out of burdens onto His feet, the awe of the Father... because of it all, I can see now. I must trust His direction because He is not only leading me through this mundane life... He's leading me to where I belong and I belong with Him.
I belong with the Father...
Day 30 "He who kneels before the Lord is blessed." Every day for 30 days, I am kneeling before God and documenting the blessings that flow forth. "This is it," I think while dropping to my knees for the day, "the last day of documenting this kneeling journey." When I set out to do this challenge, I had no idea just how much it would change my prospective. It started unsuspectingly; I kneeled randomly one evening and something incredible happened. I wrote about in the blog that introduced this challenge: 'As, I prayed, I felt Jesus inviting me to drop burdens down at His feet. As I did, I imagined those burdens to be marbles, poured from a tweed draw-string bag and scattering across an old wooden floor, rolling under furniture and into the cracks of the aged wood. If I chose to pick up these burdens, as I often due after plunking them down before Him, it would be a hard task.' He taught me through this journey something that I couldn't put into words until today: 'In order to be an empty vessel for Him, I need to drop all these burdens that fill me and not pick them back up. He needs room in me to add much better things. When these burdens are on my mind, it takes HIM off my mind. It takes the focus off of Him.' I once imagined my burdens to be all in one big, heavy package that I could put before Him. I wouldn't leave it there though, no, I would heft it back on my shoulder before leaving. He gave me this visual of marbles so that they weren't so easy to pick back up. On my knees today, I think about the simple task of falling to my knees, how it opens the door for those burdens to be released. This simple task isn't so simple after all. So much happens when I'm down on the ground, in the position of complete surrender. I dump the metaphorical marbles and they roll around the floor. They roll under furniture, they hide in the dark places, because they are of darkness. When I carry around these burdens, I am carrying around tools for the enemy. Tools he can then use against me. The goal of the enemy is to take my mind off of God, and with these tools, he succeeds. But, when I dump these footholds, these marbles, whatever you want to call them, he loses. And God, with a feeling of delight in His presence, He is pleased. That is my aim after all, to please Him. He blesses me in return and fills the space the burdens once claimed.
The enemy scrambles to replace the burdens to plague my mind, but then I kneel again, and his efforts are wasted. This is why I will continue to kneel, why I am dead set on it.
As an advocate of joy, this is where I find gladness, by surrendering to Him. And He's there, with hands out reached, waiting for me; willing to take my burdens and willing to fill me.
