He Is Faithful

Hello friends! In my last post, I mentioned how I have recently moved back to America. I also mentioned how it hasn't been the easiest of transitions, but along the way, the Lord has been showing me just how faithful He is through answered prayer and revelations. I feel led to write about it all, but we will have to break it up into sections. So, I've decided to make this a new series.

Let's start by going all the way back to July. During this time, I was still coming to terms about leaving Japan. Don't get me wrong, I miss my family and friends and crave to be near them, but Japan was an incredible experience. It wasn't just the location that made this particular season of my life so special, it was the new growth, the revival of my faith, and it was the people - my church family.

I guess you could say that my heart was pulled in two different directions. Also, knowing that I still wouldn't be close to family when I left, made me honestly not want to leave at all. My grip was tightly wrapped around the current season, refusing to loosen at all much less give over the reigns to the One who could lead me where I needed to go not where I wanted to go. Oh, the 'I want' pining of the flesh... I'm oh-too familiar with you. I'll explain that in a bit.

I was reading Beth Moore's 'Believing God' at the time, and something she wrote resulted in a huge prospective change for me that made me practically throw the reigns back into the Father's hands. She said:

"Christ gave His life so God could say yes to the fulfillment of promises in the lives of believing mortals. Therefore, I am utterly convinced that any no an earnestly seeking child of God receives from the Throne is for the sake of the greater yes, whether realized on earth or in heaven."

God made it clear to us that we weren't meant to stay in Japan when we got orders to our new duty station, and so, however indirectly this 'no' was received, it was, in fact, a 'no'. I realized then that I have to believe that this 'no', no matter how hard it was to grasp, was too for the greater 'yes'.

I believe God plants us where we are depending on the seasonal harvest. So, the despite the fact that I was moving to a place that, at first glance, I didn't necessarily want to move to, meant that He was putting me at this particular location for this particular season of harvest in my life.

Realizing that all the no's in my life have been for the greater yes, meant freedom because I was no longer holding onto wanting to stay in Japan. I felt instantly at peace knowing that the time I spent there was perfect for that season of my life. All the new growth, the friendships, the memories, those things I will be able to hold to my whole life, so I don't have to hold onto not wanting to leave.

I realized then, that my big 'no' that I got before coming to Japan, was also for this greater 'yes'. This 'no' was not being able to have a child. This, this was the one thing that I prayed so earnestly for, I prayed so long for, I prayed so hard for, yet every time I approached it, I was faced with a closed door. That closed door, was a metaphorical, solid, heavy 'no'.

That's when I heard God ask me, "Ashley, if you could go back and change things, if you trade your experiences in Japan, your new growth, everything that resulted from coming here, would you trade it all for a child?" And you know what friends, I wouldn't. I would not trade this revival of my faith for ANYTHING. Not because I wouldn't love my children, I would love them with my whole heart, but I love my creator MORE. And that's why I wouldn't make the trade.

I wish I could go back to the Ashley with the broken heart and with the tear stained face. I wish I could tell her that this big, heavy 'no' in her life was for the greater 'yes'. "You can't see it now," I would tell her, "but you will, you will..."

My friends, I can't see now how this 'no' of leaving Japan is for HIS greater yes. But, until then, I'm going to find a smile and keep the faith because I know...

He is faithful.